In Memory

by courtvanhaaren

Death has an odd way of touching us. It hurts us and tests us, it molds our outlook on life and it forever changes us when it touches someone we  dearly love.

Today, I lost a brother. No, not a blood brother, but damn well close enough. He was my brother’s best friend, a loyal ally, one whom my family loved. One whom I loved.

I’m upset, I’m angry, I’m shocked, I’m broken. The loss upsets me to my core.

His name is Ryan.

He was a year younger than me. He had a wicked sense of humor and a contagious laugh. He wasn’t very eloquent in conveying ideas but he would always manage to make it clear that he was there for you. He was as supportive and understanding as someone can get. He was almost always at the receiving end of our jokes, but he handled them with a laugh. He had the strongest desire to become a better person and a will to help his family.

He has a precious one year old baby girl.

I want him to walk in our door and tell us we were idiots for believing everyone. I want him to hand me an energy drink and tell us about the latest crazy situation that he got himself into.

I wish he had the chance to prove his worth more; he deserved to show it to himself. He had little faith in his capabilities, and I will always be saddened that he never was able to understand his true potential and the blessings in his life.

I will always love and miss Ryan.

Death has a way of hurting us. I feel so hurt and broken beyond belief right now. This is a different pain than when my grandmother passed, or any other family members. There’s a raw anger than I can’t subside and it’s very hard to turn to my bible for comfort. It’s testing my faith, and it’s testing it well.

Please, I ask of any readers, please keep Ryan’s family in your thoughts and prayers.

Rest in Paradise Ryan, may you be lifted on eagle’s wings.